The Psychology of the Three Stages of A Woman’s Life
by Linda E. Savage, Ph.D.

Advances in health have extended the life span to twice what it was one hundred years ago. Yet the tripartite divisions of Maiden, Mother, and Crone continue to be meaningful in women’s lives, particularly when we examine female sexuality. Each stage is organized around the blood mysteries: menarche (the first monthly flow of blood), childbirth (which is accompanied by blood from birthing), and menopause (when a woman’s “wise blood” remains inside her to give her wisdom). These are still powerful landmarks which profoundly influence women’s lives. They function as psychological gateways to the change in consciousness required by each new stage.

Even with all our technology we really cannot change the course of nature and the powerful hormonal shifts that accompany each blood mystery. All women will experience the powerful changes caused by female hormonal shifts. The emotions women feel, the psychological meaning they attach to the events, and transformational experiences of each stage are outgrowths of the physical timing inherent in every woman’s body.

Menstruation, ovulation, pregnancy, childbirth, and peri-menopause are such intense internal physical and psychological experiences that they compel women to focus on the internal awareness of the body. This cannot be experienced by males. As Lynn V. Andrews was told by her Cree Indian teacher, “Go teach ten men how to give birth.” It is literally impossible. Women’s natural awareness of what is happening inside their bodies, even subtle shifts, is honed by constant internal reminders of the blood mysteries. This direct experience with powerful internal states develops intuition which is grounded in body wisdom. The connection through the body to the rhythms of the cosmos is the foundation for powerful shifts in consciousness in each stage of a woman’s life.

The Maiden

The developmental task of the Maiden Stage is discovering individual creative potential. In spiritual terms it can be likened to the Novice preparing to become the Initiate. This can be a wonderful time to learn at all levels: building career skills, experiencing the complexities of relationships of all kinds, preparing for adult responsibilities, and developing a conscious relationship with intuitive body wisdom, that will continue for the remainder of life.

The Maiden Stage primarily signifies a psychological state of learning. The pupil and the apprentice are additional images for this stage. However, today there is an implication of innocence to the term Maiden that has been distorted out of proportion, to imply a sexuality untouched and literally unknowing or unschooled in any way. This evaluation of Maiden innocence is insulting to the many strong, competent, vastly underestimated Maidens in their twenties. These young women are perhaps the first generation since the Goddess cultures were eliminated to explore their potential, including their sexuality, and to enjoy the freedom to learn and gain knowledge in a relatively unrestrained atmosphere.

Sexually, this should be a period of exploring pleasure without the burden of motherhood. This does not mean that the Maiden period should be a time of unlimited sexual activity. There are many lessons to be learned about readiness, self-respect and appropriate conditions for sexual encounters. However, without the patriarchal concept of the Maiden as personal property, she is free to discover for herself, with wise guidance, her path to sexual pleasure and her unique appropriate limits.

Today, although there is no formal celebration, there is a transformation of awareness for any Maiden at the time of her first blood. She is now able to bear children. There will be profound consequences if she does become pregnant, and because of her developed body she is physically attracting attention from males whether she is ready for the sexual implications of this or not. Every month she will feel emotions she cannot articulate, she will be dealing with hygiene issues unique to women and she will need to work with her body much more intimately than ever before. She is confronted by feminine differences that mark the end of childhood each time she menstruates. Most women report feeling some aspect of shame and embarrassment, even if only at the level of having to cover up the fact that they are bleeding from a very private part of their bodies. Ultimately there is the shadow of the awesome power of conception.

The Maiden Stage does not end with first intercourse, but with pregnancy and the birth of the first child. The Maiden Stage may include sexually active and inactive women before they have had children. This does not mean that women who do not physically give birth don’t experience the mother stage however.

The Mother

The developmental task of the Mother Stage is accepting responsibility. The immense psychological change that accompanies the Mother transition are driven by hormones not available to the biological father. The fierce emotions the Mother feels about ensuring the well being of her baby are intensely personal, as no one else is as important to the baby’s survival. Among the powerful hormones released into the body with birth is prolactin, the nursing hormone, which has impressive properties for fostering the patience and nurturing abilities needed with constant mothering. The shift in consciousness that takes place with first motherhood is the most sudden and powerful of all in life, save the experience of death.

Spiritually, the Mother Stage is a time of the Journey Woman. Giving birth teaches the deeper meaning of surrender, through the experience of overpowering body processes. The responsibility of motherhood is constantly being put to the test, as the Mother learns the lessons of compassion. One woman of thirty put it this way: “I can remember the moment when I shifted from being myself to being someone’s mother. It was a moment of profound shock. I was home on the day I had given joyful birth to my daughter who was sleeping beside me. I realized, with a flash of awakening, that for twenty-four hours each day for the foreseeable future I would be the sole person responsible for my child’s life! No one’s needs, least of all my own, would take precedence over her well being. And for right now, her very life depended upon me.” Whether the consciousness of the Mother dawns suddenly, as it did with this new mother, or slowly, it is a most profound shift in consciousness from self to selfless compassion for another human being.

Once a woman has gone through this passage, she must accept responsibility for another so completely that her sleep, her body, her attention, and her entire existence must be given over to her child. She discovers that what is best for her child may not be in her own best interests at the moment. This changes her in ways that she could not imagine in all the months of reading, taking classes, and talking to other mothers. Many first-time mothers find that they enter into the psychological state of pure motherhood for many months. Some find it difficult to shift their attention into other areas of their lives, even past the critical first year or so. Women may take on an intensity of focus that excludes everything else. As one woman put it “Never have I had a role I had taken more seriously in my life!”

Mother Stage sexuality accesses new strengths, learned from the experience of childbirth and child nurturing. Surrender and compassion are deep spiritual lessons which carry over to her sexuality. The hormones accompanying gestation and lactation strongly influence her sexual self. Her sexuality continues to develop, but with radical changes engendered by the responsibilities of nurturing children.

The Crone

The developmental task of the Crone Stage is sharing wisdom. In Neolithic times, Crone women were the tribal matriarchs. They were the source of wise counsel for important decisions. Crone wise women are still called Grandmothers in some Native American traditions. Their heightened awareness of human nature yielded great insight. Spiritually, this is the Mastery phase. The Wise Woman teaches knowledge gained from her education and life experience. It is a time of reaching into her spiritual depths, utilizing her powers of intuition, and finding meaning in her visions from the dream world. Some Crone women are masters of healing at the highest level.

The change from Mother Stage to Crone Stage is a more gradual psychological shift than the one from Maiden to Mother, so dramatically marked by the birth of the first child. It is impossible to use the cessation of the menses as the delineation for this stage because it may take months to several years for a woman to realize that she has had her last one. However, major hormonal changes are happening in her body, long before actual menopause.

The transition begins when a woman notes changes in her cycle. The duration of the perimenopausal period is as much as ten years. The symptoms vary so drastically from one woman to the next that no one, including doctors, can predict the last blood flow. Women cannot wait for total cessation of the menses to begin the shift into Crone consciousness. They are given many physical warnings to which they must pay attention. Women are coming to the end of intensive mothering duties and the physical symptoms are a message that they must consider their own needs above those of others The symptoms of what is now called perimenopause are the initiation into Cronehood.

The Crone Stage of life, more than any other, is a time of giving back to society the cumulative wisdom of the years. Many women have an urge to speak out, to organize others, to take action. This is only partly because their time is freed from overwhelming demands of mothering young children. In recent times, many women enter Crone years still raising children born later in life, but they seem to have the energy to get more involved in the world-at-large. It is often Crone energy that leads to changes being made in society. As the Crone woman moves further into her life path she feels the urge to teach others and to cultivate her passions. It can be the most productive time in women’s lives.

Sexually, the Crone Stage is potentially powerful one. It is the stage of sexual mastery. The ancient Tantric traditions were founded by female masters who understood the sacred power of sexuality and its relationship to the Divine. The Goddess cultures knew it well. Crone women’s continued sexuality in ancient times is one of the unknown mysteries. Some older women chose to stay sexually active with their aging mates. If widowed or unattached, they were known to take younger male lovers for pleasure.

Today, many Crone women are seeking sexual pleasure more assertively than ever before. Far from eschewing sexuality, vital Crone women embrace it for the first time in their lives as purely for themselves. Crone sexual response is no longer estrogen-dependent as in the Maiden and Mother Stages, nor limited by the cycles of progesterone as with Mother pregnancy and birth. It has all the potential power that comes from the will of the fully conscious, self-reliant, experienced, sexual self-knowing, wise woman. If she chooses, she can use her sexuality to serve a higher purpose by receiving Divine inspiration and connecting to the Source.

Psychological Domains of the Maiden, Mother and Crone

Contemporary women can reintegrate their sexuality and reclaim desire by acknowledging all aspects of feminine way. First, you must consciously view yourself as an expression of the Goddess. Part of this re-imaging is internalizing the archetypes of the Triple Goddess, delineating the three aspects of feminine nature. These aspects are psychological functions within all women. Thus, each of the stages of our lives, Maiden, Mother, Crone, is also a domain (field of influence) within the feminine psyche. When we become fully conscious of the three sexual expressions of the Goddess within us, we may choose to express any one or all three simultaneously.

The Maiden within us is the playful child, delighting in the wonder of pleasure and sexual exploration. She is longing to be loved. She is the source of our natural curiosity and sensuality. The psychological readiness to awaken sexual energy and feeling permission “to do what feels good for me” in a safe setting are necessary for the Maiden to come out to play.

The Mother is the loving nurturer, bestowing unconditional acceptance on the beloved, and generating compassionate loving beyond self-gratification. She is the source within us of our capacity to build communion with another in the act of giving and receiving sexual pleasure. The Mother in us takes responsibility for seductive conditions and knows how to surrender to sexual desire.

The Crone is the wise woman within, who can consciously generate healing power. She is the part of us that feels empowered to act on intentional desire, in an honoring setting. The Crone is the teacher, encouraging us to listen to intuition and recognize divine guidance.

The I AM GODDESS self awareness integrates the domains of the Maiden, Mother, and Crone. The value of integrating the three expressions of the Goddess within your being, is to create the ability and the wisdom to express your sexuality more fully.